It's Only a Coup When America Says It's a Coup

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Venezuela appears to be in the middle of a full-blown attempted coup right now. Or maybe it isn’t, if you share the view of National Security Advisor John Bolton, a well-known dumbass and fascist.


Speaking to reporters outside the White House today about the ongoing crisis, heightened today after opposition leader Juan Guaidó called for a mass uprising against the government of Nicolas Maduro, Bolton disputed the idea that it was a coup for a simple reason: The United States has already decided Guaidó, who has never been elected president, is the legitimate Venezuelan leader.

Oh. Well. That clears it right up!!!

Bolton also attributed to “speculation in Caracas” the view that Maduro’s government is only hanging on because Cuba and “possibly the Russians” are propping it up:

Bolton also refused to take any options off the table if Maduro doesn’t step down, including military action.


Finally, Bolton—channeling his inner Trump—finished all this off with a menacing tweet at Venezuela’s defense minister, the commander of Venezuela’s Presidential Honor Guard, and the head of the country’s judicial branch.


I’m getting an intense feeling of dé vu, for some odd reason. If you want to watch Bolton’s full remarks, you can do so below.

News editor, Splinter